Understanding Grief

Grief is the universal human response to loss. It is also uniquely individual. This is the paradox of grief.

It is important to view our grief within known common grief reactions. This normalizes our personal experience and diminishes distress. Others who know and understand these common reactions provide reassuring validation. This helps us feel less alone and weather the arduous process of grieving. Connection with others supports us while we go through the painful disconnection from the one who has died.

As much as normalizing our grief is reassuring, we must honor our personal loss and grief. We honor the unique individual who has died, the unique person we are, and the unique relationship we shared. We cannot grieve and mourn generically. We experience the pain of grief and other reactions in a personal way. Memorials, rituals, and other mourning activities are most helpful when relevant and meaningful to the mourners and person who died. Taking into account our personal needs, beliefs, and memories, the timing and circumstances of the death, and how it has changed us and our life is helpful for getting through a period of grieving.

Excessively normalizing grief risks minimizing the personal nature of our relationship with the deceased and the significance of the loss. Excessively focusing on the individual nature of grief risks minimizing the stabilization that comes from linking our personal experience to our shared humanity.