Grief is what we experience as a result of a loss. Loss of someone by death or divorce, loss of our health, job, home, and other losses can cause us to respond with grief.
Grief following a death is characterized by pain and disruption in all realms of human experience: the physical, emotional, mental, social, and spiritual. It is universally human, yet unique in the way that a fingerprint is. Being informed about the common reactions and course of grief allows us to gauge how we are doing, and have a sense of what to expect over time. People may believe they are “weak”, “going crazy”, “not handling it”, or “having a breakdown” when in fact their grief is well within what is common, even though intensely painful and disruptive.
Grief is the natural and expected response to a death. Grief is a reflection of our experience of serious loss. It affirms innate qualities of our humanity. The significance of our connection to others is confirmed when grief is allowed to pass through us. Trusting the natural response of our body to sob or weep without restraint fosters the healthy progression of grief and the diminishment of the pain. Partaking in rituals and other activities that acknowledge the meaningfulness of the deceased facilitates a healthy personal experience within the universal experience of grief.
Throughout the ages grief and mourning have taken place in the context of family and community. Many of us in modern society experience isolation along with our grief. Isolation can intensify grief and inhibit its healthy progression. Support from others is helpful.
Many bereaved people feel the need to be relieved of the responsibilities of daily life. This can be interpreted as avoidance or “not handling it”. In fact, being removed from daily responsibilities is a common wish expressed by the bereaved, and may be an accurate perception of what would be helpful. I refer to this as the need for sanctuary. Sanctuary is different from isolation. Isolation is characterized by feeling alone with our pain and alienated from others and support. Sanctuary is characterized by peaceful, undemanding time to accommodate a significant event and change, and establish a new equilibrium with the new circumstances of our life. Modern lifestyles often do not allow for periods of sanctuary. Even so, having time to be quiet, reflective, and removed from daily demands can help you incorporate the reality of the death into your life, with all its consequences, and regain equilibrium that has been lost.
